I picked up People's special "Nick & Mariah" issue on Friday, taking in the indulgent beach ceremony/honeymoon photos and Nariah's declarations of "love at first sight." The quotes were straight out of "The Delusional Lovers Handbook," but maybe that's just the jealousy talking. While they were frolicking on the beach and drinking Dom, I was probably loading the dishwasher and wondering how I was going to get out of taking my kid to see "Speed Racer."
Still, I'm beginning to think that celebrities inhabit a reality-free universe populated by fairies and unicorns. I guess when you don't have to worry about the mortgage or getting your car serviced, anything seems possible. It seems perfectly rational to tattoo "Mariah" across your back in bold script, so certain are you that your six-week relationship is built to last. It can't just be infatuation talking. Because you've got, you know, stuff in common — spirituality and whatnot.
I don't doubt that Nick Cannon is working overtime to make his new bride happy or that he's living the dream of every straight male who grew up in the '90s. And Mariah could do a lot worse. It's not like she married a backup dancer (Though he did give an exclusive interview about his breakup with singer Christina Milian to Sister 2 Sister magazine, which isn't exactly Vanity Fair). I also understand that dating for a year or two (or five) is no guarantee of a solid marriage. So why does the whole thing come off as so frivolous? Maybe it's because we've seen this so many times — the whirlwind, starry-eyed courtship, the certainty that this love is like no other, the ill-advised tattoos, the divorce three months later.
The pixie dust and romantic globe-trotting ought to keep them happy for a while. Then the hard work begins.