Wednesday, February 25, 2009
House of WTF?
I think you’re a peach, so just know that this comes from a place of affection: Please stop letting your mother, Tina, dress you.
Here’s what some of my friends said about your Oscar night dress, which came from your very own House of Dereon:
“Wow, was it ever ugly.”
“The fact that she didn't wear any jewelry didn't help the fact that the fabric looked like Tina got it from a 1978 Cordoba.”
“It makes her look like she has eight legs.”
“B. is gonna have to have that come to Jesus talk with her mama sooner rather than later.”
I mean, the New York Times said that tight, black and gold mermaid number made you look like “a Czech vase.” It takes a special kind of talent to dress a beautiful woman so badly.
It is sweet and generous of you to let your mom ride your coattails and fulfill her dream of being a “fashion designer,” with you as a muse. But I’m hardly the first (or the thousandth) to point out that Tina’s clothes have some … issues. Back in your Destiny’s Child days, there were a lot of Tina-induced misfires like this. And this. And this.
When you guys finally turned up wearing clothes from designers like Roberto Cavalli, armchair fashion editors rejoiced.
On the bright side, some House of Dereon gowns are quite pretty: the pistachio, one-shoulder gown and the red crepe cross-front gown looked good on the Web site. Unfortunately, others resembled prom dresses.
You’re young, famous and filthy rich, and you obviously care about style. I’m sure other designers are tripping all over themselves to dress you. Maybe it’s time to have a talk with Mom about finding another muse/mannequin. I think you’ve done more than enough.